The Rules of Biology
by mediate89
Summary: Jacob thought changing into a gigantic wolf was the weirdest thing that could happen to his body.
1. Don't Buy Cheap

_A/N: Alright, so I've been having mad writer's block on my story __Kim and Jared__, and one night while trying to get the words for chapter 4 to come out, this idea came to me. It's totally crazy but I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. So, enjoy and happy Valentines Day!!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Billy, Jacob, or Leah. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I don't own the Rabbit. That belongs to Jake. _

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**Chapter 1: Don't Buy Cheap**

Jake looked down at the thin plastic stick in his hand.

He'd told Leah she was out of her mind when she had suggested he take a trip to the drug store. But finally, after a lot of nagging and teasing on Leah's part, he'd hopped into his Rabbit and drove to Forks.

There had to be some other perfectly logical explanation for the nausea, body soreness-- particularly in the pectoral area-- and mood swings he had been experiencing. Of course there had to be. Nevertheless, he'd grabbed two different boxes-- the cheapest since he was only doing this to appease his beta-- and took them up to the register. The cashier smiled knowingly and asked him a few friendly questions. Jake had formulated an elaborate story on the spot about how they were for his sister, and even gathered a few tips on how to use them-- to pass along to his sister, of course. The young cashier seemed to know what she was talking about. She wished him luck and he thanked her before exiting the store with his purchases.

The house was empty when he returned home. Billy was long asleep by now, as it was well after midnight. Jake had made sure to go to the store when he was sure it would be emptiest.

After a quick scan-over of the directions on the back of the box, Jake dropped his shorts, held one of the sticks over the toilet bowl and aimed for the end furthest from his hand. He didn't give himself a moment to question his sanity. All he could do was remind himself that he couldn't wait to see the look on Leah's face when he showed her that he'd actually done it.

When he was finished, he set the devices on the bathroom counter and went to the kitchen to look for some food while he waited. He'd always been a hungry-type boy, especially after phasing into a wolf for the first time, but it seemed all he wanted to do lately was eat. He found a bag of Doritos and settled onto the couch to watch some television.

Halfway through an infomercial showcasing some sort of super duper mop, he fell asleep and was woken by the sun shining brightly through the blinds. Feeling disoriented, he rubbed his eyes and tried to remember why he was on the couch instead of in his bed. Suddenly he heard the toilet flushing from somewhere down the hall.

"Son?" Billy called, seconds before he wheeled into the living room.

"Yea?" Jacob replied sleepily, switching off the television with the remote control.

"Something you want to tell me?"

Jacob racked his memory for something that might have brought out that kind of question. Maybe he'd left another pile of clothes in front of Billy's door. Jacob was always getting chastised for not keeping the floors as kept-up as possible, as it was hard enough for Billy to get around in his wheelchair without having to overcome the obstacles that were Jacob's shoes and jeans.

When Jacob didn't respond, Billy continued.

"Son, there are a bunch of, er... pregnancy tests sitting on the bathroom counter. Would you care to explain to me why someone was over here testing themselves in our bathroom?"

"Pregnancy tests?"

"Well, I didn't know what they were at first, but there are some boxes in the trash."

Boxes. Pregnancy test boxes. The memory hit Jacob like a rock on the head. He couldn't dare let his father know the real reason they were there though, and coincidentally the reason he had fallen asleep on the couch and not in his bed. He quickly composed himself and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"They're Leah's."

Billy raised a thick black eyebrow and when Jacob didn't change his story, covered his hands with his face.

"Jake," he groaned, the sound was muffled by his fingers. "Leah Clearwater? Of all the girls on the rez, it had to be Leah Clearwater?" He lowered his palms and looked Jake straight in the eye. "How am I going to explain this?"

Jake cleared his throat and tried to will the blush away from his cheeks. "No dad, no. Not Leah, I mean... not mine. Not because of me," he sputtered in a rush attempt to negate his father's bogus claim. "Look dad, don't worry about it. I'll just throw them away and go tell her whatever, okay? She should be awake by now."

Jake rose up off the couch and started to head toward the bathroom. He stopped mid-stride when he heard Billy snicker.

"What?" Jacob asked, turning to look at his father.

Billy looked up at his son and smirked. "I just wish I could be there when you tell Leah Clearwater she's going to have a baby."

Jake rolled his eyes. Even if she had taken the tests, there was no way Leah would be having a baby unless....

But that wasn't possible. _He _had taken the tests, not Leah! He flew past his father and stormed into the bathroom, throwing the door against the wall so hard he heard it crack; he didn't care. He rushed over to the sink and stared down at the little white sticks. He picked up a box that had fallen on the floor and read the directions one more time to be sure he remembered correctly. They were easy enough to understand-- straight pink line was negative, small cross was positive.

Jake slowly moved his eyes toward the tests and drew in a sharp breath when he saw all four tests clearly adorned with a bright pink plus sign.

Cheap pieces of shit.

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	2. The Alpha's Bane

_A/N: So this has been a long time coming, yea? I apologize for the wait, but better late than never... right? No? Tough crowd, tough crowd. _

_I'm gonna be straight with you guys. Updates probably won't be very frequent on this story until interest and reviews start picking up. It's not that I'm holding my story hostage for feedback, but inspiration flows much more freely with motivation. _

_Disclaimer: See chapter one._

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**Chapter 2: The Alpha's Bane**

"Jake! What the hell were you thinking?" Leah's shrill voice rang out across the salty morning air.

Jacob had decided to throw the tests away and never speak of them again. It's not like making a mockery of Leah's reaction would be possible now that they were _positive, _a fact that still unsettled him, but Billy had let it slip to Sue, and Leah had gotten the third degree.

"Well I had to tell my dad something!" Jacob yelled, standing his ground as she charged across the yard.

"So you told him they were _mine?"_ Leah's voice had risen to an octave Jake didn't think possible for a human --or, shapeshifter rather.a

"What the hell else was I supposed to tell him? That they were MINE?" Jacob and Leah were now standing toe-to-toe in front of her house near the beach, glaring at each other like mad bulls.

"Yes, you dumbass! Now my family thinks _I'm_ pregnant!" Leah's tone had dropped to a normal pitch, but she was still shouting. "I can't believe you told your dad it was Sam's." She grabbed a fistful of hair and started pacing along the sand.

"Well I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him it was mine," Jake growled in frustration. Realizing how devastated Leah looked, he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "I'm really sorry about that, Lee. I just... it was spur of the moment thinking, I didn't know what else to say." Leah looked at him with furious eyes, but behind the anger, it was easy for Jake to see the pain.

"This was all just a fucking joke. You weren't actually supposed to take them, you dumbshit, and they weren't supposed to be _positive! _How the hell were they positive anyway?"

"They weren't!" Jacob's heart sped when he thought back to the little plus signs that undoubtedly indicated a pregnancy. "I dunno, I read them wrong or something. Look, who cares, just go tell your family it isn't true."

"You act like that wasn't the first thing I did," she spat, and then she composed herself. "They don't believe me. They think I'm in denial or something."

"Well, you would be."

Leah rolled her eyes.

"Get out of here, Jake. And you'd better be thinking of ways to fix this," she added with a glare. She let her eyes roam from Jacob's head, to his feet and then back up to his face. "And go, like... see a doctor or something, you pregnant freak."

Jake could see the slight tease in her eyes so he shook his head and waved his hand at her.

"Sure, sure," he muttered as he turned and made his way back across the beach, thoroughly relieved that Leah hadn't initiated a wicked brawl.

After a few steps he turned and looked over his shoulder. Leah was heading the opposite direction back toward her house. He thought about what she had called him, a _pregnant freak_. He shoved his hands into his pockets and continued walking along the shoreline.

There was no way.

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Jake draped his arm over his face. He was lying in bed, trying to quell the nausea that had been building since he'd left Leah's house.

He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard Billy rummaging around in the kitchen. The sun's golden light filtering through the crack in his curtains suggested it was sometime in the early evening. He rolled out of bed with a groan and walked over to his bedroom door. As soon as he stepped out into the short hallway, he was hit with the most god awful scent he had ever smelled. After a few more breaths he clenched his teeth and fought to keep the contents of his stomach at bay.

"Dad, what the hell are you making?" Jacob asked as soon as he entered the living room that led into the open kitchen.

Billy looked up from his chair and reached up to stir a pot of sauce simmering on the stove. "Makin' spaghetti," he replied gruffly.

"Is that all you know how to cook?" Jacob snapped, and instantly regretted his tone. Billy didn't seem fazed; he was probably used to his son's outbursts, what with him being a wolf and all. Jacob groaned and slouched down in one of the kitchen chairs. "Sorry, I just..." Jake risked another sniff in the direction of the stove. "What did you put in it?"

"Same stuff as usual."

That was weird; Jake usually liked his dad's spaghetti. Even if the super secret sauce was only a can of Ragu and some green... dried herb things. He placed a hand over his churning belly and massaged the soft spot below his ribs.

"Feeling off?" Billy asked.

"I think. Maybe the stomach flu or something." Jake yawned and suddenly realized just how tired he really was. It hadn't registered while he was lying in bed, but now, sitting up at the kitchen table, exhaustion washed over him like a wave. He yawned again and got up from his chair. "I think I'm gonna head to bed."

Before Billy could respond, Jacob was closing the door to his bedroom. He threw himself onto his mattress and was asleep seconds after his head hit the the pillow.

Such was the story of Jacob's life for the next three weeks. He'd wake up unable to eat anything without wanting to throw it back up, patrol, come home more tired than he'd ever been and then hit the sack before it was even time for supper. The nausea didn't lift and the exhaustion was starting to interfere with his Alpha duties. He had no idea what could be wrong since he didn't have a temperature over his normal 108.9, and he felt fine aside from the nausea, body aches and the constant need for sleep. Besides, werewolves had spectacular immune systems and never got sick, so unless it was some sort of super freaky disease... he tried not to even think about that.

Billy wanted Jake to see a doctor, but both men knew that seeing an ordinary doctor was not an option. Jacob had no desire to pay doctor Cullen a visit, so he assured his father that he was probably just spending too much time stressing over being the leader of his pack. He promised to lighten his work load by dividing up some of his responsibilities among the other pack members.

_Alright, Leah, you're going to take the seven o'clock patrol._

_But you always do the nighttime patrol._

_Yea, well... I'm--_

_I can do the seven o'clock. _Seth's voice rang out loud, clear and happy as usual. He trotted into the clearing where they held the pack meetings, circled Leah once and then settled down on his haunches.

_I'd rather Leah._

_Oh come on, Jake, I can handle it._

Jacob sighed wearily.

_If I give you the nighttime patrol, I'm sending either Embry or Quil with you and I don't want to tire them out because I'll need them over the next two days. _

There had been a missing hiker report near Port Angeles and Jake was taking Quil and Embry to investigate while Leah and Seth stayed behind to watch the borders.

_I'm not a pup anymore, Jake. I can handle it by myself._

_What's going on?_

Embry had just phased and was running toward the clearing where they usually held the pack meetings. Seth wagged his tail in excitement and shifted anxiously, Leah yawned lazily and rolled her eyes. Jake suddenly felt as though his blood had turned to ice.

_We're discussing schedules, Embry. _

_Oh. We still on for tomorrow?_

_Yes. _

In truth, Embry was the last person Jake wanted to take with him. But as it was, Embry was one of his most experienced wolves and as Alpha, Jake had no choice but to work for the good of his pack and the people of the area.

When Embry became visible through the trees, Jake averted his gaze. He was focusing on a blue bird nesting in a tall pine when Embry sat down beside Seth.

Silence.

Jacob pretended he couldn't feel the tension mounting.

After a few moments, Leah mentally cleared her throat and Jake realized they were all staring at him. Jacob didn't even need to hear their thoughts to know what they were thinking. Their expressions were clear on their faces: confusion, skepticism.... and something else. He didn't linger on Embry's eyes.

_Leah, seven o'clock. Seth, stop arguing with me or I'll send you back to Sam._

With that, Jacob phased back to human form, pulled on a pair cut-offs and walked quickly out of the forest. He hated that he had to threaten Seth like that, but he wasn't in the mood for any crap today and honorable as his intentions usually were, Seth had a knack for getting on peoples' nerves. Jake would apologize later.

"Dude, what's going on between you and Embry?"

Or maybe he would keep his apology to himself. Jacob could hear the snapping of twigs and heavy footfalls behind him and huffed when he recognized the scent as Seth's.

"Nothing, Seth, now go finish your shift," Jacob mumbled, keeping his head low.

"Come on, Jake. You could have cut the tension with a knife!"

Jacob turned on the spot, nearly causing Seth to bounce off of his chest.

"Look, Seth, I don't know where you get the idea that you can shirk your responsibilities to run after me and barge into my personal life, but you need to get back to patrolling, or so help me, I will demote you."

Seth looked stunned. Jacob sighed and punched Seth lightly in the shoulder.

"Sorry, Seth, I don't mean to be a jerk. I've just been feeling like complete shit lately."

True to his nature, Seth burst out into a wide grin.

"Don't worry about it, man. We all have those days. But hey, maybe you should see a doctor. They could probably find out what's bothering you."

Jacob scoffed. "I'm pretty sure they'd be finding a lot more than that."

"Doctor Cull--"

"Not happening," Jacob growled as he turned to walk away. Seth put a restraining hand on Jacob's shoulder.

"Come on, Jake. If something's really wrong with you, he can help. Don't let your pride get in the way of your well-being."

Jacob rolled his eyes and reached out to tousle Seth's hair.

"I'm fine, Seth. Now get back to work. I'm serious about demoting you."

"Yea, okay." Seth smirked and turned, stalking off in the other direction.

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